Wishful Thinking
by ChaiChi
Summary: “Wishes are just a way to disappoint yourself,” said Raven. “So… I just get your hopes up for no reason? Wasn’t I a wish for you?” Robin replied. Oneshot. Robin/Raven.


**Disclaimer:** If I owned TT, we'd be in the middle of the 8th season right now and RobRae would be canon.

**Wishful Thinking  
**_By: ChaiChi_

**Summary:** "Wishes are just a way to disappoint yourself," said Raven. "So… I just get your hopes up for no reason? Wasn't I a wish for you?" he replied. Oneshot.

**A/N:** Yeah… I'm not dead. And I've managed to survive this horrible year while maintaining my sanity. And in the midst of all the chaos and teenage angst/drama, I managed to find enough inspiration for this.

**Dedication:** For two of my good friends, whose late-night conversations inspired this story. And to **alena-chan**, for being awesome and reminding me that I don't completely fail at this thing.

--

She rolled around for what seemed like the seventeenth time that night. She tried countless methods of putting herself to sleep: rearranging her sheets, counting the number of cracks on the ceiling, engrossing herself in an enormous book filled with arcane symbols. "Stupid insomnia," she muttered under her breath.

She rolled over one more time to glance quickly at the clock. 3:15. She _could_ continue trying to fall asleep, only to oversleep and wake up around noon, or she could get out of bed and start her day a tad early. Hopefully being awake for such a long time would enable her to easily fall asleep later at night.

Contemplating on the subject, she decided that the second option would be more practical, and she swiftly got out of bed, pulled her cloak on, and made her way towards the door. She would have to remind herself to sleep at more reasonable hours rather than staying up late and pulling all-nighters wrapped up in books.

Raven didn't care very much for sleep. Yes, she understood that it was necessary to maintain proper health and sound mind. That didn't stop her from thinking that it was, like most other things, pointless. Time was precious. There were so many valuable and productive things she could do with her time. She never quite understood why teenagers seemed to value their sleep so much yet complained about having so little time.

She pondered on this while brewing herself a cup of tea. That's when she noticed the loose sheets of papers scattered by the table. "Oh Robin," she smiled to herself. Like her, he probably stayed up late finishing mission reports rather than hopping off to bed at a reasonable time. She gathered them into a neat pile and placed them in a stack on the table waiting for him.

She really enjoyed her alone time. She found some satisfaction in being awake at irregular hours of day. The silent world during the wee hours of morning were like her own little secret. She decided to spend sometime on the roof under the night sky, free to just think or meditate quietly.

She sipped her tea and shivered slightly. It was a bit chilly tonight, but not enough to keep her indoors. She assumed her usual cross-legged position and began to repeat her mantra. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos…"

She didn't even notice the figure creeping up behind her slowly and opened her eyes in surprise when she suddenly found a blanket wrapping itself around her.

She whirled around only come face to face with a familiar mask. She smiled to herself. It was only Robin, smiling that stupid grin of his and clutching a mug of some hot beverage.

Robin. Her _boyfriend_.

Okay not really. It wasn't really official. _Not yet._ The feeling was mutual, but they still had yet to make it declare it official to their friends. But they would get there eventually.

She wasn't quite sure exactly when this all started. Maybe it was the way she would _accidentally_ find him smiling in her general direction, only for her to smile back at him. Or perhaps it was the way Robin would _just happen_ to be there to catch her if some monster knocked her towards the ground while in the air. Or perhaps it was just the way they both seemed to _coincidentally_ run into each other all the time and spend time together on rooftops at ungodly hours of the day. She had no idea where this would lead to in the future, but for now she was just content being in his presence.

"What are you doing up here?" Robin asked her softly, plopping himself down to sit beside her.

"I could ask you the same thing," she replied back, relaxing her posture slightly.

"I couldn't sleep. And I felt like spending some time outdoors. The stars are kind of pretty tonight."

"Mmhmm."

Raven grinned to herself. She always enjoyed these quiet moments of day, when it was just Robin and her. Sometimes they'd have deep and meaningful discussions on life and philosophy, and sometimes they'd have nothing to say at all. Either way, it was never awkward between them. Even when they didn't feel like talking, they'd be content with sitting by each other, enjoying the other's company.

She looked up to find him gazing intently at the sky. "What are you up to?" she wondered, deciding that she didn't particularly feel like quietly snuggling with him tonight.

"Just wishing on stars. I haven't gotten a chance to do so tonight." She snickered slightly at his reply.

"What's so funny?" he laughed, curious about her expression.

"Nothing. I just didn't expect you of all people to be the kind to wish on stars. It's kind of odd."

"What's so weird about it? Don't you make wishes?" His tone changed to one of genuine surprise.

"What wishes?" she replied back. "I don't make wishes. They're pointless."

"Wishes are not pointless!" he answered, a bit defensive. "What's wrong with you?"

"Sometimes they are. Sometimes they get your hopes up for no reason. Wishes to me just seem like a way to disappoint yourself," she admitted.

He stared at her strangely for some time. After an awkward silence, he responded, "So… I just get your hopes up for no reason?"

"What? No."

"Was I not a wish for you?" he asked her quietly. "I mean. Are you… only here just because you feel obligated to be? Or because it's convenient for you… or what?"

"…oh," she muttered, finally realizing what he was trying to say. "How awkward," she thought to herself. Robin had her there. But he was what she'd call an exception to the rule.

"Yes… you were," she answered him. "But I don't know. To me, wishes just seem like luck most of the time."

"Oh really? Well dreams can be thought of the same way. Both just seem like luck," he pointed out.

"Yeah but with dreams you go for something. Wishes… you just kind of sit around waiting."

"No those are goals. Dreams… you're too lazy to accomplish them. Goals are things you strive for."

"Well dreams can create goals."

"No they can't."

"Mine do."

"Raven, if they did, then there would be no reason for dreams in the first place"

"Well… some you don't go for. In that case, they're pretty worthless," she argued.

"So there is a difference. And no dream is worthless, Raven. The dreams you can't or don't go for are the ones that count. The others are goals that become boring since you can accomplish them over and over again."

"I had a dream to be with you," she responded. "That wasn't boring. I really had to go for it."

"Well… I mean what's the fun in having a dream you can accomplish over and over again? If you can do it once, then you can do it a million other times. And I wasn't a dream. I was a wish, Raven, like you were for me."

"But… that doesn't mean that it gets boring, Robin," she replied, slightly offended. "If you've achieved what you want, you've fulfilled your dream. Doing it again doesn't make it meaningless. Getting there is what's important."

"Dreams are meant to be untouchable, though. Like the stars. That's why they're so important to you. Think about it. What's more important to you? A goal you can reach like finishing all those mission reports? Where you'll have to set new goals that you'll eventually reach again? Or a dream that keeps you tugging to reach it?"

"Well…" Raven started, unsure of how to begin. "It's always nice to accomplish something. But then what about wishes? When they come true, you have to make more. Same thing, but they're uncertain. You have no control over them."

"Raven. Honestly? How many of your deepest dreams have come true? Like… the ones you've always had?" Robin asked her seriously.

"I don't know what my deepest dreams are to be completely honest with you, Robin. I'm not really a dreamer."

"Well I have two major dreams," said Robin.

"Oh. And what are they?"

"Well. I want to do something amazingly and epically heroic. Kind of like the way you and Terra saved the world and stuff. I want my chance to be a hero. No… a legend."

"That's…nice," Raven answered. "What's the other one?"

"Well… I also dream that…" he paused, looking down slightly, pink suddenly creeping on his cheeks.

"That…"

"My other dream is that I hope that perhaps… the two of us… you and me… despite all these hardships… and struggles… I hope that we can somehow manage to get through all of them. And hopefully we can stay… together until the day we both die." He slowly look up to face her, waiting for her reaction to his confession.

She stared at him with an amused expression. "Oh really. I wish I had dreams of such substance like that." She turned her head so that she faced the horizon rather than stare at his face again. She honestly didn't know what to feel at this point. Robin really was serious about this relationship. And yet he insisted that it was an untouchable dream, one he couldn't work towards because it would never come true. She had no idea what the proper emotion to feel as at that moment, and she decided to continue in a cool, detached manner.

"Well… then I guess you should make a dream that's untouchable," he said after a pause. What had just happened back there? Didn't she have some type of reaction to his confession? He shrugged it off and continued with the conversation.

"Well… I don't want it to be untouchable, Robin," she said in a controlled voice. "I want to it actually, you know, happen."

"But think of it this way! If it's untouchable it can't be ripped away from you like a goal or wish because no one else can touch it either."

"Well I certainly hope not."

"Hope not to what?"

"I hope no one can take it away from me."

"What? Your dream?" he asked, slightly confused.

"I don't have a dream, Robin, not a big 'untouchable' one anyway."

"Then… try thinking of one! Make a dream, a huge one that is special only to you!"

"The one we're talking about isn't beyond the stars for me, though," she responded, her voice raising slightly. "I want to work toward it and I believe it can happen! I don't care what you think Robin, but I think… or at least I _thought_ it to be entirely possible." She felt her eyes getting moist. "No," she told herself. No point in getting emotional now.

"…Raven,_ what_ are you talking about?!" Robin asked exasperatedly. What had seemed like a pleasant night together had turned into a disaster. She didn't show it, but he could tell she was on the verge of tears. And he hated himself for it.

"You said it yourself! A dream is meant to be untouched and unaccomplished pretty much."

"Yeah," he interrupted. "Because that's what makes it special, Raven! Nobody else can take it from you. It's only yours."

"I realize that, Robin. But you even said it yourself. The best dreams are the ones you can't achieve or go for. I think my dream is pretty important, but I hate to think that's how you feel about it. How you feel about _us_. Things can't go with half of a support system Robin. What exactly am I to you now that you've achieved your dream that you and I would end up together? Does that make me any less significant now? Because now that you've accomplished having your feelings reciprocated, you can easily do it again a million times with millions of other girls! So what? Am I less special to you now that I'm not 'untouchable' and 'impossible to accomplish?'" She was almost screaming now. She felt something move inside of her, but she ignored it, choosing to put a lid on those feelings instead. How silly of her to believe that Robin the Boy Wonder could actually be serious about someone like her.

She looked like she was about to cry. Robin hated himself. He wanted to turn back time and stop this conversation from ever happening. He wanted to throw himself in front of a speeding truck when he saw the expression on her face. He wanted to pull her close and apologize over and over again, hoping it would make her feel better. Anything as better than this enormous guilt he felt.

"Okay Raven…" he started slowly. "You caught me. I was… just giving that one as an example. But please don't think that it's how I feel about us. I know that it'll happen," he reassured her.

"…"

"Please, Raven! I don't want you to think that it won't. And I definitely don't want it to get you down because… I know one thing." He closed the gap between them and took her hands in his. "I know that I'll always want to be with you. Be it your teammate, you friend, and maybe… something even more."

"Fine," she stated simply, staring into the ocean again, avoiding his gaze.

"I'm serious, Raven. You're not… mad at me, are you? Or having second thoughts about… us?"

She didn't respond immediately. Maybe this was what Robin meant by struggles and hardships they'd have to face. It'd be unrealistic to expect that their relationship would be perfect and flawless. They were bound to have challenges here and there. And they would have to work hard and get through them together.

And, she decided, she couldn't think of a better idea to spend the rest of her life doing. Perhaps Robin was right. Perhaps she was right. Their relationship certainly was a dream, an extremely important one, one they would have to spend a lifetime working towards to perfect but never truly touching it.

"I could never be mad at you, Robin," she finally answered, a rare smile on her face. It was the one she smiled only for him. He sighed in relief when he saw it, knowing that he was safe and forgiven.

"So we're good?" he clarified, grinning slightly. "No second thoughts about me?"

"No. I was wondering the same thing about you for a while actually," she grinned back, pulling him into her arm and burying herself in his chest.

"But now I know."

--

**A/N:** So uh… how'd you guys like it? It's been a while since I've done this sort of thing, but I really had to post this rather than discarding it like the thousands of other crappy things I write. I don't know. Tell me what you think by pressing that little blue button down there and reviewing.


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